Together, we commemorate the life of
Vernon Luedloff
By Cherylynn Bergamo Moore
My Aunt's Chronicle of Love to her husband Vernon
Chronicles of loved one survival where is he who helped me close and fought my dragons of the night where is he who shared all burdens and held the child so sick now it is I who holds him close and helps to fight the dragons of the night notes I who holds the burdens lost and he's the child so sick there's a day begins and I'm now mother so long ago gone his day moves on and his demons descend and now it is high the demonstrate his day moves on and dragons come are the kids home yet? how long will we stay here? has dad come back yet? now it's his eye who calms the fears, and still those demons again, and again, and again. where is my love going God? I'm alone, and I'm drowning I love, I hate, I scream. all gone! so alone. May 1997
Chronicles of love too for my husband I need your guidance, oh Lord of mine. hope to find some peace. and if not; just acceptance and understanding. it's hard oh Lord, to be a mother so late in life. to have such need upon my shoulders laid semicolon never a moment for Thee.
he's just so loving and try so hard to help. but always leaves a model, and then is so contrite, I feel ashamed to fuss. if I could only find a moment, Lord. to find some long lost strength; to just reflect a bit, and find the blessings round if you oh Lord would help to build a strength. to face each day with love. to be what's needed now with a kind and loving heart it is all I ask of Thee.
July 1999 Chronicles of Love 3 to be as he could have when I become impatient and speak aloud my my anger; before I can continue I see the eyes I love. they're filled with a look, as a child so bewildered. how can I ever forgive the fear and anger so sharp shown to him today. oh Lord forgive you know I love him so. I think the everyday and know my life's been blessed the love you sent to me. bewildered by my fears in anger, still always quite and loving stays. please, oh Lord forgive! and Grant that I might be as you would have again. Grand theft, oh my lord, the strength and patience needed to reflect thy Loving Care. September 1999 Chronicles of Love by of anguish known how can I speak of English and yet not seem self-serving? how can I feel so full of anguish and yet not be self serving? how can fear of unseen thoughts in mind what's so dear so send my soul into despair? that mind was clear today is lost to times I never knew. now the time has come to love love, no matter what comes, don't weaken. just know that in that mind is unimaginable fear. that confusion reigns of anger too. how can I not be angry for that loss of the essence of him. yet see him standing there and no there is more to come. just dance against the darkness and only show my love I'm told. that's the way back to eden; that's the way back to life so just don't fear the anguish and only show my love and with God's help I shall know peace. January 1998 Chronicles of Love 6 as I watched the loss of my own dear love I only hope to someday know how evil Bates can so devise such inexorable slow disintegration of the essence of a man I see his mind once bright and clear just thrash and scream and fury as thoughts take Wing and fly are lost at last and leave confusion. the words no longer there leave anger and despair I see them burn like fever and can only love and hold. I watch with Dread and loss my own sweet love so dear and wonder why the fates would steal away my love. April May of 1998 Chronicles of Love 6 once upon a time I somewhere red Dan fast against darkness and only Love that's the way back to Eden that's the way back to life so now in my love one drifts deeper and further into darkness of confusion I can only try to hold and love. I feel such anger not at him oh no my dear not you but only at the evil beast I see cuz this is you anger flare and burn. I know that in its own place that mind wants bright and clear still is a part of this new and crying soul that is still held so dear. so I stand against your darkness and seek the way to Eden no only that my love my dear can help us both survive. January 17th 1998 Chronicles of love seven the lessons planned and the wrong ones given it only seems to be a relaxing of stress but how long could I stay blind to truth. no longer blind am I, but sad and weary. as days go by, drop by drop into a flood. oh God how can you let this slow death of one I love just disappeared Day by day. how hard to feel so alone and lost to fear. so long, so lost. Chronicles of love it's hard to know where each day will go, and harder still to feel so alone and lost to fear. I don't know how I could not have known the trials to come and how off balance I'd be he was so intense I created mind and heart I called it one track mind and absent-minded professor so in retired and pressure gone I looked for peace to come fun and travel too so now the forgotten plans the day and date lost to the lessons he planned and the wrong ones he gave they only seem to be a relaxing of his stress. but how long could I just stay blind to truth no longer blind am I but sad and then weary as Days Go by drop by drop by drop as to a flood oh God how can you love this slow death of one I love just disappeared day by day. oh how hard to feel so long and lost to fear so alone so long March 3rd 1998 Chronicles of love 10 why? why oh why? I asked must this moment be? no answer do I hear, no answer could there be. that anger ridge yet none must know. it is not the loved one that angers just fate! yes a fate not expected a fate one must face and accept with Grace and believe what's taught try to accept that no burdens too great to Bear will ever be placed upon one's life and heart but oh dear Father above we weaken and fail and begin again to accept the love, just love. April 11th 1998 Chronicles of Love 11 where has my love gone? and been replaced by the strange being whose mind never seems to cease it's wandering path. strange thoughts erupt, and anger flares when one's response is not controlled and monitored with care. one just must know and accepted the facts; my love still there just lost and afraid, just as a child again. so dear Lord above, grant the strength the wisdom needed to Bear the power to love and accept what comes. April 12th 1998 Chronicles of 12 if there be God's above, they cannot be benign and love as they send a challenge here another there laughing all the while something above must be sadly askew if life is meant to be destroyed and so mean and unbelievable way to see a lifetime of believing the rules a life of loving and Care become unglued with a jingle of confusion this just must make those gods roar with laughter! at the joke they played on the poor believing man whose head is bowed confusion on it is only love will drop those gods April 15th 1998 Chronicles of Love 13 we belitely go from day to day; from year to year and been with every blow. we think that life can go so smartly on semicolon and time will bring us rest in peace. no we've only list just begun to truly test me and semicolon that beast by word dementia has struck our sorry life our lives now still and, all our dreams are dead and day by day all fade away; just sadness and love survive. there's no more left of Joy love and life's just bound by beers and tears as love one slips away so sad so tired and only Love remains August 1998 Chronicles of Love 13 the days go by all that says is routine that doles the senses. his baths and meals and blood tests many the wars to come is a companion lost. as memory fades confusion reigns and anxiety rule supreme. old friends just slip away but God still has been good he gives us our chapter of caregivers guides who helps us know we're not alone. at times it seems the only clear light the leads us on and helps us through all trials.... so thanks we give to all hojo and keep us on an even keel. our only plea please please don't give up! August 1998 Chronicles of Love 14 did I want Simone at jokes the gods did play? little did I know that I view that day and almost cry aloud with pain. sometimes I think I've fallen down a hole, and I'm now in jabbawockee land communication gone; dear god. what evil have we done that brings our waning years near down? my poor dear love his eyes so tired looks to me with a silent cry what has happened he asked why can't I speak my thoughts his anger speaks my heart I asked oh Lord how long and class him near and pray stay with me ever more. September 10th 1998 Chronicles of love 15 I'm total burden can be too much for us to bear and those we love will only help us grow. a better truth of this so be so on we go and know, this time will only be our foe he slowly fades away from me and what oh God will help to bear the pain of loss? no solace will there be when he was on the question still will plague on into what eternity? that we will meet again is that I can pray his said his true a promise I must cling to and love just love November 1998 the last of my Chronicles of love 16 I can only say to God our Father I surrendered him to you oh Lord and help you know his worth I try to I try to think his last reveal was in preparing for your service on the other side of the veil I'm selfish enough oh Lord to be grudge is going to you and only hope to be worthy to join his service in time I can't help but be so selfish but to wish she could have lingered and held me close once more so please forgive my sorrow and keep him close to Thee So goodbye my love I know I'll join you there when He wills Doris Luedloff
