My mother was initially diagnosed with vascular dementia and then later developed Alzheimer's disease. We were told it was not unusual for someone to have two types of dementia simultaneously. But it certainly made navigating her care more complicated as they each progress differently and one could cause the other to accelerate. My mother's decline was rapid and steady, loosing a different function almost on a monthy basis. She was not only losing her memory, but also her capacity to reason and take care of herself. She no longer had a past and she lost the ability to discern a future. Her eyes were the portal that revealed lucidity or dementia. Toward the end, my mother only lived in the present moment, like a child. Full of anticipation and curiosity, but void of her 73 years experience. Indeed the journey of dementia is painful for both the patient and their loved ones. But in the midst of this pain, there were moments of joy even if they were only fleeting. Our joyful moments began with a stuffed toy panda bear.
When my mother became agitated or had tantrums our only recourse was to distract her with something positive. At the time, I took refuge in short videos of panda bears playing in their environment. Their clownish ways made me laugh and gave me the reprieve I needed. I eventually realized these videos could provide the same reprieve for my mother and, sure enough, the bears' clownish ways ended any agitation. She smiled and laughed. So I gave her a stuffed panda bear for times when videos were not available. She took to that panda bear like a little girl takes to her first baby doll. She talked to it, cuddled it, hugged it, slept with it, watched TV with it, tried to feed it, and took it with her everywhere. That panda bear provided safety and comfort for my mother and a much needed reprieve for my father, as her lovingly exhausted caregiver.
My mother passed away in just 3 years time with her beloved panda bear by her side. We miss her everyday. If only we caught the dementia sooner. If only we had more time. If only there was a cure. If only.
Thank you in advance for your kindness and generosity for helping to fight this horrible disease so no one's parent, grandparent, or loved one is robbed of their memories and a full life.
